Attack on Silliness
by SurpriseUnicorn
Summary: What would you do if you got transported to a post apocalyptic world full of giant man eating monsters? What would you do if the government of that world forced you to join the most dangerous part of the military, the Survey Corps? Well, I decided I was going to mess with people. In case you couldn't tell from the title, this is going to be a ridiculous adventure.
1. Prologue

**AN: Hello! This is my first story on Fanfiction! So exited! This idea was just bouncing around in my head as a good way to introduce my OC so I kind of just went with it! This has no real chronological order, so it might skip around a bit. Please review if there's something I need to fix. Love you all!**

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own Attack on Titan or any of the characters, except for my OC.**

Attack on Silliness

Prologue: A Little Hoarse

Jean woke up with a sore throat. He groaned, his voice sounding rough and scratchy. He got up and stumbled into the bathroom and started splashing water onto his face.

"You look like shit." Connie informed him helpfully while brushing his teeth. A surly glare was a Jean could muster.

"Jean are you feeling alright? You look sick." Said a worried Krista on the way to the mess hall for breakfast.

"I just have a cold." He rasped as she patted his shoulder reassuringly.

He sat down at the table with his tray of food and sniffled pathetically.

"Hey Gene what's with the long face?" Asked Lanie, smirking as the entire table looked at him.

"I have sore throat." He muttered, not really willing to deal with the hyperactive woman's crap. "And how many times do I have to tell you, it's Jean. It rhymes with John."

Lanie stared at him, her face twitching slightly. She started giggling, softly at first but slowly getting louder until she had her head thrown back, howling with laughter. Slowly all other noise in the crowded dining hall ceased, everyone staring at her. Her laughter subsided into quiet snickers.

"Oi brat!" Called Captain Levi from the special opps table. "What the fuck is so funny."

"It's Gene sir." She said, cheeks flushed from her outburst. "He has a sore throat."

"And why is that so hilariously funny." Asked Levi, looking unamused (as usual).

"Because sir," she said, starting to giggle again. "He's a little hoarse!"

Eren spat out his coffee. Sasha started choking on a piece of bread, and even Mikasa grinned a little. Captain Levi smacked himself in the forehead.

"Those idiots." He muttered darkly as Jean started chasing Lanie around the dining hall.


	2. A Very Good Place to Start

**AN: Hello again! Now I know what you're thinking. Two Updates in one day! They must be mad! But what can I say, this story has short chapters and I'm bored. This chapter starts at the very beginning, a very good place to start, to give a little more background on Lanie, specifically how she got here. The chapters will skip around a bit though, so don't expect chronological order. It's a bit dull but I've already written the next couple of chapters and they are much more hilarious! If you review I'll love you forever!**

 **Disclaimer:** **I still don't own Attack on Titan. If I did I wouldn't be here, writing fan fiction for it.**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 1: A very good place to start

It was a normal day. Madalena Ross was on her way to work, when it started pouring rain. Cursing under breath, she darted into the nearest shop doorway to wait it out. The shop she had ducked into turned out to be an old antique shop, with a bored looking teenager working at the checkout. She walked towards the back of the store, glancing at some of the secondhand books, and found some of the clothes. She figured that as long as the rain kept up, she might as well do some light shopping. Flipping through the racks of clothes, she came across a strange belt like thing, with more straps and buckles than any one belt really needed. In fact it almost looked more like a harness then a belt. She reached out and gently took the strange article off the hanger. Suddenly a flash of light filled the tiny shop, blinding her. Blinking, she looked around to see, that instead of being in the back of the small shop, she was now in the center of a large room, filled with about twenty people, all of whom were staring at her in confused silence.

"What the fuck?" she said.

Erwin Smith sat in the annual meeting of the military, and was bored. Nile Dok was prattling about something that he didn't particularly care about, and Dot Pixis was currently asleep. Shadis was glowering at nothing in particular and Zackly was supervising the entire goings on. Behind him he could hear Hanji passing notes to Mike and Levi, probably about titans, actually knowing Hanji it was definitely about titans. He was about to heave a sigh of boredom, when a flash of light lit up the center of the room. Nile stopped talking, and Pixis jerked awake and tried to make it look as if he hadn't been asleep at all. The light faded, leaving a petite blonde woman standing in the middle of the floor, holding what appeared to be an old 3DMG harness, and looking around in confusion.

"What the fuck?" she said, dropping the harness. "Was this thing a fucking portkey? Where the fuck am I?"

A whisper rushed through the room. Hanji leaned forward eagerly, and even Levi looked interested.

"Who are you?" inquired Zackly, ever the leader.

The woman looked nervous. "I'm Madalena Ross, most people call me Lanie though. Who are you people?"

"We will be asking the questions here Miss Ross. Which wall are you from?"

"What do you mean which wall? I don't live in a wall, I live in an apartment in New York."

A gasp ran through the crowd. A strange woman had appeared in the middle of the meeting, claiming not to be from within the walls. Erwin wasn't sure how this could have happened, but he knew one thing for sure. This meeting was far from boring.

 **AN: I tried not to make any of the characters seem too OOC but that can be difficult. Please review with your thoughts!**


	3. Truth or Dare! Part 1

**AN: Hello again! A new day, a new chapter! This one is a little bit longer then the others, because I like longer chapters and I had enough material. This one takes place right after the first chapter, and the next couple of chapters will be in order, then I think I will give another flashback chapter that will be longer and hopefully more interesting, but we'll see. Anyway, ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer:** **Shockingly, I still do not own Attack on Titan or its characters.**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 2: Truth or Dare, Part 1

"Hey guys!" Said Lanie, grinning mischievously as she sat down at their table with her breakfast.

"No. Whatever crazy thing you're about to suggest the answer is no." Said Jean, glaring at the crazy twenty five year old over his cup of coffee.

"Aw Genie! This one'll be fun! I promise!" She said, pouting.

"The answer is no!" he said, shuddering as he remembered The Incident.

"Are you thinking of that time when Shadis caught us-" she began, grinning.

"Stop right there Ross." He said glowering at her.

"Ooh scary! He used my last name!" she remarked, snarky as ever. "But this one is practically harmless!"

"Don't leave us all waiting!" Squawked Connie excitedly. "What is this great idea of yours?"

"Wait for it! Truth or Dare!" she sang. The 104th training corps stared at her, unimpressed. "Oh come on guys! It'll be fun! We need to do something to escape all the gloom and doom, and what's better than having a night to just goof off with your friends! Come on please!" Sending a thoughtful look at Sasha, she added, "There'll be snacks."

"Well I'm game!" Sasha chirped. Not to be outdone Connie also agreed.

"Well if you guys are doing it then I'll play too. It might be fun!" said Krista sweetly.

"If Krista's doing it then so am I." declared Ymir throwing her arm around Krista's shoulders.

"Excellent" Said Lanie, beaming. She turned to Mikasa and Armin. "Will you two play if I can manage to pry Eren away from the angry dwarf long enough for a game?"

Mikasa nodded and Armin smiled. "If you can get Mikasa to play then I will too." Sighed Jean looking resigned.

"What about you two?" She asked, beaming at Bertoldt and Reiner.

"No way in hell." Said Reiner darkly. Bertoldt just shook his head.

"Boo you whores." Lanie said, pouting. "Now, how to steal Eren."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The Special Opps team was peacefully eating lunch, when the doors to the dining hall flew open to reveal an alarmed looking Madalena Ross. She ran over to where Eren was halfway through eating a bowl of soup.

"Eren!" gasped the petite blonde. "It's Mikasa, there was an accident and-" He had already leaped out of his chair and started sprinting towards the doors. "Hey wait for me! You don't even know where she is!" Lanie yelled as she sprinted after him out of the dining hall.

"What do you think that was about?" Asked Oluo.

"What the fuck do you think it was about, you idiot?" Said Levi, getting up to follow Eren.

Meanwhile Lanie had caught up to Eren and led him to Hanji's office. Armin was standing by the door looking grave. Eren burst through the door to see Mikasa leaning against the wall, looking bored.

"Mikasa, what happened I thought…" he turned to Lanie, who had just shut the door. "What's going on?"

"We only have about ten minutes until Connie and Sasha stop distracting Hanji, so we have to be quick. Armin's keeping watch. So here's the big question. Will you play Truth or Dare with us tonight?" She asked seriously.

"What?" said Eren looking a little lost.

"Truth or Dare, tonight, will you play?" she said grinning.

"I wish I could," Eren said wistfully, "But they lock me up at night. Unless you can somehow convince Captain Levi or someone else to let me out I'm stuck."

"Fear not Eren!" came a voice from the hallway. The door flew open to reveal an excited Hanji and a guilty looking Armin.

"Armin! The fuck man!" accused Lanie reproachfully.

"Sorry Lanie. She surprised me!" said Armin, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Did you really think Springer and Blouse could distract me for that long?" scoffed Hanji. "Anyway I heard your little dilemma, and I have the perfect solution. I will let Eren out of his cell to join your game, on the condition that I will be allowed to play too! That way I can keep an eye on him and I get to have some fun!"

They all stared at her in shocked silence until Lanie grinned and shook her hand. "Sounds like a deal. We'll meet in the dining hall at midnight. Now Mikasa, act injured."

The strait faced teen clutched her side and hunched over moaning. Hanji picked up a cold compress and started to "lecture" her on over working herself.

"Oi brat." Levi called from the doorway. "The fuck were you thinking running off like that! You want the MP's to decide that you're too big of a liability to keep around?"

"Sorry Captain Levi." Said Eren, looking down at his feet, ashamed.

"Tch, brat. And Ross." He said.

"Yes Captain Levy." She said.

"You're on cleaning duty for the dining hall." He said glowering darkly at her.

"Aw! Why?" she said looking irked.

"First, because you're the reason that Jaeger left the dining hall in such a hurry. Second, because you seem incapable of pronouncing my name properly, and third, because I said so."

"Yes sir." She sighed dejectedly.

 **AN: I know, Truth or Dare is a bit overdone, but frankly I don't care. If you have any good dares feel free to message me or leave them in the reviews!**


	4. Truth or Dare! Part 2

**AN: Hello again! this chapter was insanely fun to write, and hopefully it's just as fun to read! PLEASE REVIEW WITH DARES! Other wise this game will have to be awfully short... Ah well, ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own Attack on titan or any of the characters, and I never will.**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 3: Truth or Dare, Part Two!

The entire group sat in a circle on the floor in the middle of the dining hall. Sasha was happily eating some bread, and Connie was on her left, joking with Hanji. To Sasha's right was Krista, sitting with Ymir. Eren was sitting between Armin and Mikasa. Armin was next to Hanji, and Jean was next to Mikasa. Lanie was between Jean and Ymir complaining about how Levi hated her.

"Alright! Let's get this party started!" she called, putting a bottle in the middle of the circle. "The rules are simple. When it's your turn you spin the bottle. Whoever it lands on has to pick between Truth or Dare. Truth means you answer an embarrassing question honestly, and Dare means you do an embarrassing thing. Then it's your turn! Now who wants to go first?"

Connie raised his hand and Lanie grinned. "Spin away!" He took the bottle and spun it carefully. It ended pointing to Armin.

"Armin, Truth or Dare." Said Connie. "Truth!" Said Armin, quickly.

"Hm. Out of everyone here, who would you most like to kiss?"

Armin started to blush and stutter, while Lanie and Sasha started to laugh.

"Um, well, probably Mikasa, just because I've known her the longest, but I don't really want to kiss any of you!"

Everyone started to laugh as Armin quickly spun the bottle to see who the next victim would be. It landed on Jean.

"Jean, Truth or Dare?" he asked. "Hm. I'm gonna go with dare."

Armin grinned sadistically. "I dare you to sit in Eren's lap for the next two turns."

"WHAT!" shouted both Eren and Jean.

"Oh my god Armin that's beautiful!" Laughed Ymir.

Hanji was snickering into her hand, and Connie, Sasha, and Lanie were rolling on the floor with laughter. Krista shot them a sympathetic look, but the rules were the rules. Jean awkwardly crawled towards Eren and sat down in his lap. Lanie laughed even harder at the look of disgust on both of their faces.

"Armin you're a genius." She gasped.

Jean scowled and spun the bottle. To his delight it landed on Lanie.

"Lanie, Truth or Dare." She grinned cockily. "Dare."

He grinned with triumph. "Lanie Ross, I dare you to make a love confession to Captain Levi."

"W-what?!"

 **AN: Dun Dun Dun! Cliffhanger! tune in tomorrow to see Lanie completely embarrass her self, and if you have a good dare, feel free to let me know!**


	5. Truth or Dare! Part 3

**AN: I got a review! Yahoo! This story is progressing along well I think, but then again I am biased, so tell me what you think! also I still need dares! Also some fun embarrassing truths. Feel free to PM me these as well if you're shy! Anyway I'm done yammering on, so without further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own Attack on Titan or the characters, except my OC.**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 4: Truth or Dare! Part 3

"Lanie Ross, I dare you to make a love confession to Captain Levi."

"W-what?!" Her smirk dropped and her eyes bugged out. "You're kidding, right Horseface?"

"No I'm not, short stuff. Now hop to it." Said Jean, smirking triumphantly.

"Fine Asshole! Even though he hates my guts, I will risk life and limb to confess love to that cranky dwarf." She stood up and marched out of the dining hall towards Levi's office. Hanji stood up quickly, and started to follow her.

"Are you guys coming or not? I've got to see this in person!" Slowly the 104th training corps followed her up the stairs to Levi's office.

Levi was sitting in his office working on paperwork for Erwin, when he heard a soft knock on his door. He stood up and stretched, rolling his stiff shoulders as he walked to the door. He opened it and was surprised to see Madalena Ross standing there, with a blank look on her face.

"Ross? What are you doing here at this hour?" he said, it was past midnight.

"Captain Levy." She said in monotone, saluting. "I have come here to tell you something important."

Her strange lack of facial expression was making him uncomfortable, but he didn't let it show.

"What is it, and why couldn't it wait until morning?" he said, sounding irritated.

"Captain, I am desperately in love with you." she said, still in monotone.

He stared at her for a long moment. "Ross, are you drunk again?"

"Yes captain, drunk in my overwhelming love for you." She said, her face completely blank.

"Listen Ross I don't know what kind of prank you're trying to pull-"

Suddenly Haji burst around the corner.

"Levi how could you treat her confession like that? Do her feelings mean nothing to you? Come on Lanie, let's go to the dining hall and get you some soup! You poor thing." She shot a dark look at Levi and wrapped an arm around Lanie's shoulder. As they walked down the hallway Levi rubbed his forehead. It was too late for this kind of crap. He would deal with it in the morning.

When Lanie got back to the dining hall, everyone was laughing heartily.

"I can't believe he asked if you were drunk!" snickered Connie.

"Drunk in looove" mocked Jean. Lanie shot him a death glare.

"And what was with that monotone voice you were using!" Ymir chuckled.

"It's all part of the plan, in case he tries to confront me on it tomorrow." She said mysteriously, as she spun the bottle. It landed on Sasha.

"Sasha, Truth or Dare?" Sasha thought for a moment. "Truth."

"Hm… When was the last time you wet your pants?" asked Lanie.

Sasha blushed and started muttering.

"Sorry what was that?" asked Lanie, smirking.

"It was when the colossal titan showed up at Trost!" She wailed. Everyone laughed, and Jean climbed off Eren's lap.

"Two turns are over! Thank God!" he muttered. But then he looked at Lanie. She had a dark scowl on her face.

"I will get my revenge you son of a horse, and it will be ten times worse than anything you could possibly imagine." She whispered. Jean started to sweat. What had he done pissing off the most mental woman in the training corps? She was going to kill him!

 **AN: Dun Dun Dun! What will Lanie's revenge be? Tune in later to find out! (I'll give you a hint, it's hilarious!)**


	6. Truth or Dare! Part 4

**AN: Four reviews! Wow! I'd like to give a shout out to Code109 for giving me Hanji's dare, and as for the other dares, I will use them next chapter because they are awesome! Love you all, REVIEW!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 5: Truth or Dare! Part 4

Sasha spun the bottle and it ended up pointing to Krista.

"Krista, Truth or Dare?" asked Sasha, nervously glancing at Ymir who was giving her a dark look.

"Truth, I guess." She said sweetly.

"O-okay." Sasha stuttered, Ymir silently daring her to try anything. "Have you ever kissed anyone?" she finally squeaked.

Krista blushed. "Y-yes." She stuttered, trying to hide behind her hair.

"Who?" asked Connie, looking intrigued.

"I think the rules state that she only has to answer one question." Ymir said menacingly.

"R-r-right! Sorry my m-mistake!" Stuttered Connie, while Lanie shot Hanji a conspiratorial glance. Hanji waggled her eyebrows at her. Lanie giggled and mouthed, 'I ship it.' Krista spun the bottle and it landed on Armin again.

"Armin, Truth or Dare?" She asked.

"Dare" said Armin, because let's get real, it's Krista. How bad could a dare from her be?

"Hm…" she said thoughtfully, as Ymir whispered something in her ear. Armin felt the color drain from his face. Ymir was another matter entirely.

"Armin, I dare you to shave your head."

"WHAT?" shrieked Armin. Jean got a look on his face as if Christmas had come early, and Sasha choked on a piece of bread. Hanji grinned evilly and handed him a pair of scissors. He whimpered and took them carefully.

"Armin, do you need a hand with that?" asked Lanie, "I worked part time at a hairdressers back in my world, and I picked up a few tricks."

He nodded mutely and handed the scissors over to her. She snipped quickly and close to his head, until all he had left was thin layer of peach fuzz. Connie was staring open mouthed at Armin, who looked a bit like a blond version of himself.

"That's the best I can do with scissors. You'll need a razor if you want to get the stubble." Said Lanie, moving back to her seat. "You look good kid. The He-man hair was stupid."

Armin ran a hand through his newly shortened hair and spun the bottle. It landed on Hanji.

"Hanji, truth or dare?" Asked Armin.

"Dare!" said Hanji excitedly.

"I dare you to deliver an anonymous love note to Commander Erwin declaring your undying love of his eyebrows, and you have to make it really sappy and cringe worthy." He said.

Hanji grinned and got a sheet of paper.

" _Dear Commander Erwin,"_ she read, in a girly voice.

"No no no!" giggled Krista, "you should call him, Commander Handsome!"

Hanji laughed. " _Dear Commander Handsome, I have been watching you from afar for some time now, but I can't contain the vast well of feelings I have for your eyebrows."_

"I once called them eyewows." Recalled Lanie thoughtfully.

 _"Or should I call eyewows!"_ Added Hanji as the room dissolved into giggles. _"I am drunk with my overwhelming love for your eyebrows."_ Lanie scowled while the others snickered.

 _"I want to marry you and have lots of children so that your magnificent eyebrows can be a legacy for all mankind. Forever yours, and your eyebrows', Anonymous."_

Hanji snuck upstairs and slipped the note under Erwin's door, giggling quietly. She slipped back down to the dining hall and spun the bottle. It landed on Eren.

"Eren, Truth or Dare?" she said, adjusting her glasses.

"Dare!" he said, with a determined glint in his eye.

Hanji grinned triumphantly. "I dare you to turn into your titan form!"

 **AN: DUN DUN DUN! A CLIFF HANGER!**


	7. Truth or Dare! Part 5

**AN: Hello again! I'd like to give a shout out to twobrothers135 for a dare that I used in this chapter, and mikamisako23 for an excellent dare that I did not use, but was still awesome. After this chapter, there will be a short epilogue to this arc, which will hopefully be hilarious, then another flashback chapter. I thank everyone for reviewing, and I encourage more, hint hint. Now on with the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything, please don't sue me.**

Attack on Silliness

Chapter 6: Truth or Dare! Part 5

"I dare you to turn into your titan form!"

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" screamed the entire room.

"You didn't let me finish!" Hanji shouted over the hubbub. "I want to see if the lack of sunlight affects him the same way it affected Shawney and Bean! Besides, it doesn't have to be now. Tomorrow night would also work!"

"I think that would probably be better." Said Lanie in a rare moment of maturity. "Under the close supervision of our resident short, cranky, clean freak."

Hanji nodded at the logic in this while Eren sighed in relief and spun the bottle. Captain Levi would have killed him if he had gone into his titan form because of a stupid dare. To his delight the bottle landed on Jean again.

"Jean, Truth or Dare." He said smirking.

"Dare." Said Jean, mildly nervous.

Eren grinned full out now. He had been hoping he would say that.

"Tomorrow at lunch, I dare you to stand up on one of the tables, take your shirt off, and dance to a song of Lanie's choice from her magic box."

The room was dead silent. Lanie started to chuckle ominously as Connie started to give Eren a slow clap. Jean's face was white as a sheet.

"J-Jaegar, y-you wouldn't." he stuttered.

"He would, he did, and I know just the song. Eren if you weren't ten years younger than me, I would kiss you." Cackled Lanie gleefully.

Jean blanched and spun the bottle. It landed on Mikasa.

"Truth." She said, before he could even ask the question.

"Oh okay. Um, why do you hate Captain Levi so much?"

She scowled. "When Eren was court martialed, Levi beat the shit out of him."

Jean snickered, only to feel Eren kick him as Mikasa spun the bottle, and it landed on Ymir.

"Truth or Dare." She asked.

"Dare." Said Ymir, grinning.

"I dare you to kiss Sasha." Said Mikasa.

Sasha looked alarmed, but Ymir just shrugged, and leaned over, giving her a quick peck on the lips. Sasha squeaked, her hands covering her mouth and a blush creeping all over her face. Connie wolf whistled, and Ymir shot him a look that promised pain. She was reaching for the bottle, when the entire group heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway, coming toward the dining hall.

"Scatter!" whispered Lanie, before she streaked out the opposite door. The rest of the 104th training corps darted out the door after her, leaving Eren and Hanji sitting calmly at one of the tables. Petra opened the door.

"Oh, there you two are. It's late, you should probably let the kid get some rest Hanji." She said, unaware of Lanie, standing behind her, making a goofy face at the two people still in the room, before she turned on her heal and sprinted up the stairs towards her bed.

 **AN: Don't forget to review!**


	8. Truth or Dare! Epilogue

**AN: Hello! I know I normally post earlier in the day, but I slept until noon, so that didn't happen. Anyway, this chapter is a bit long, but it wraps up the truth or dare arc, so that's good! Anyway, ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.**

The next morning dawned bright and sunny. Lanie woke up and stumbled into the bathroom. Sasha was there already, looking exhausted. Lanie grinned and smacked her on the back.

"Fun night?" she asked, as Ymir trudged into the bathroom with dark circles underneath her eyes. Sasha immediately ducked behind Lanie, which might have worked better if Lanie wasn't so short. Ymir rolled her eyes and started brushing her teeth as Krista came in, yawning.

"I am so tired!" she exclaimed.

"We were up pretty late." Agreed Sasha.

Mikasa walked in looking as awake as always, and started to brush her hair.

"Except for Mikasa apparently." Lanie muttered.

They all walked down to the dining hall together, until they bumped into Hanji.

"Lanie! Thank God I found you! I think it would be better if you skipped breakfast today." she said, grabbing onto her arm and pulling her down the hallway. Lanie motioned for the others to go ahead and fell into step next to the titan loving scientist.

"Why? What's going on?" She asked curiously.

"It's Levi! He's in a foul mood right now. Earlier I saw him sweeping the courtyard!" She said, looking alarmed.

"And this affects my eating habits, why?" Asked Lanie.

"Because he's looking-" Hanji began, but was cut off by a familiar shout.

"Oi brat!" Lanie and Hanji both jumped and turned around to see Levi storming down the hallway, glowering darkly at them.

"Yes Captain Levy?" Lanie said innocently.

"Cut the crap Ross. What the fuck kind of shit were you trying to pull last night?" He snapped.

"Last night?" Lanie asked. "I'm sorry I stuck chewing gum in Armin's hair. I didn't realize it would bother you that much."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He said, looking really pissed. "I'm talking about your little midnight visit to my office."

"MY WHAT?!" yelled Lanie, a look of horror on her face.

Hanji was watching all of this with interest. How was she going to talk her way out of this one?

"Are you kidding me? I thought I grew out of this years ago! I mean I haven't gone farther than the bathroom in months!" She said, almost as if forgetting that Levi and Hanji were still there.

"What the fuck are you on about now?" asked Levi annoyed.

"You've got to understand that I thought I was over the worst of it years ago, all my family stopped before they graduated collage, or I would have tied my wrist to my bed or something but-"

"Ross!" Levi snapped, cutting her off. "What. Are. You. Talking. About?"

"I sleep walk sir!" She wailed. Hanji had to stifle a giggle. Lane was certainly creative, she had to give her that.

"You sleep walk." Said Levi, sounding unconvinced.

"And talk." She sniffled. "Ever since I was six."

Levi face palmed. "You said something about tying your wrist to the bed." He said, sounding almost defeated by the walking disaster that was Lanie Ross.

"With a shoelace." She agreed.

"See that you do that from now on." He said, sighing.

"Yes Captain Levy!" She said, saluting in that odd way with her hand on her forehead.

"And Ross," he added, almost as an afterthought. "You're on stable duty for a week."

Lanie sighed. It was worth it.

Erwin Smith woke up that morning to see a folded sheet of paper lying on the floor right inside his door. He picked it up and flipped it open.

' _Dear Commander Handsome,'_ it began.

What the fuck?

Jean sat in the crowded dining hall like a man in an electric chair. Lanie hadn't stopped smirking all day, even when she had been mucking the stables. She pulled out her magic box, and pulled the strings out of the top. He gulped as the entire table, minus Reiner and Berthold, looked at him expectantly. He slowly stood up and climbed on top of the table. He looked at Lanie, who gave him a 'keep going' gesture. He sighed and started to unbutton his vest. Reiner and Berthold shot him confused glances as he removed the vest and pulled his shirt over his head. Connie gave a wolf whistle only to have Ymir sock him on the arm. The chatter of the dining hall slowly diminished as more people turned to stare at Jean, who was now blushing. Lanie smirked as she pulled up Dark Horse by Katy Perry on her phone. He was going to kill her later, but for now, revenge is sweet.

Eren was snickering at Jeans face when he found out what song Lanie had picked, until Hanji threw an arm around his shoulders.

"I just got Levi's ok to do those experiments tonight, so we'll come get you at 10:00."

His smile wavered. He was in for another long night.

 **AN: Don't forget to review! Also the next chapter will have more of Lanie's backstory as to how she joined the military.**


	9. Guilty as Charged

**AN: Flashback Chapter! The layout is a little different because it's first person. I feel like I made some of the characters a little ooc, but ah well. REVIEW!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan**

(1st person: Lanie)

I was having a truly rotten week. First, my long term boyfriend, Tim, had dumped me. It was more of a mutual agreement, but it still sucked. Then, my car had been totaled because some dumbass hit it while it had been parked, then drove off without giving me an apology, or even a thought really. Then, I had been somehow been transported to a post-apocalyptic alternate universe full of crazy man eating monsters, and thrown in jail for two days while a team of scientist "observed" me. And to add insult to injury, that crazy brunette scientist had taken my iPhone.

I was currently sitting, handcuffed to a chair, in the center of a large court room while a bunch of people argued over what to do with me. The ones with the green unicorns on their jackets (snort) seemed pretty adamant about putting me to death, while the priests sitting next to them agreed, yelling that I was an abomination against the walls, whatever that was supposed to mean. The people with flowers on their jackets (snicker) apparently wanted me to be kept under "observation" (aka prison) so that they could learn more about my world. The only people silent were those with wings on their jackets (Who let their ten year old sister design the logos?) who seemed intent on glowering at everyone. Sitting directly in front of me was the same guy who had asked me all those questions when I first showed up, yet rudely refused to answer any of my own. He seemed to be getting annoyed with everyone shouting over each other before the trial had even technically begun, so he banged his gavel on his desk to call order. Surprisingly it worked, and a hush fell over the room. He pulled out a sheet of paper and began asking questions.

"What is your full name?" he asked.

"Madalena Wisteria Ross. I feel as if I have already told you this." I said

"Just answer the questions Miss Ross. Where are you from?" He said, giving me a dark look.

"New York City, New York, the United States of America, Earth." I answered, scowling.

"How did you get here?" He intoned.

"Haven't a clue. Didn't I answer these questions before?"

"That will be all Miss Ross, now if the representatives of the Military Police would please-" He began.

"Wait a hot second! What do you mean that will be all? I didn't get to defend my case, or call my lawyer, or anything! If this is what you people call a justice system then consider me underwhelmed." A gasp ran through the crowd at my nerve, but frankly I was too pissed to care.

"I have had a hell of a week, okay! I'm not just going to sit here and take it while some corrupt justice system run by fear decides whether I should die or not!" At this point I had twisted in my chair so that I was glaring at the green unicorns.

"What exactly do you want to put me to death for? Have I done anything to you? I have in no way made myself a threat, and I don't intend to, so shut the fuck up! And you!" I said swiveling to face the priests.

"I don't give a flying fuck about your crazy wall fetish, but that doesn't give you the right to scream abuse at me! It's rude and malicious and frankly it hurts my feelings!" I turned towards the flower jackets.

"And as for you, while I appreciate the fact that you aren't clamoring for my death, I don't appreciate being treated like some mythical creature that you want to observe for science! I am a human being just like you! I'm not going to do anything interesting like levitate objects, or light myself on fire with the powers of my mind, or any shit like that, so back off!" I turned to face the front again.

"I am a human being, with thoughts, feelings, and opinions, who has done nothing wrong, other than existing, so how about you hop of your high horse and treat me as such! I don't want trouble, I WANT TO GO HOME!" I yelled.

The room was silent after my outburst, everyone staring at me in shock. I just sat in my chair, panting slightly. Slowly a bald guy with a gray mustache and a flower jacket started clapping. I gave him a small grin.

"That's all I have to say. You can proceed with being jackasses now." I said. I was shocked to hear a chuckle from the judge, Zackly I think his name was.

"Well Miss Ross, I have to say, I'm a little bit impressed, that had to have taken an awful lot of guts. It's refreshing to see that in today's youth. I have decided your sentence." There was a cry of outrage from the military people at not being allowed to express their opinions, but he ignored him.

"Madalena Ross, for the crime of," Here he paused, smirking slightly. " _existing_ as you so eloquently put it, I find you guilty. You are hereby sentenced to service. You will join the 104th training corps where you will be trained with all the other new recruits, after which you shall join the military in our fight against the titans."

I stared open mouthed at the man. He had to be joking, but as he hit his gavel and called the court adjourned, I began to realize he was dead serious.

"W-wait! I can't join the military! I can't even kill a spider without feeling bad! I'm completely uncoordinated! I'll die!" I called out, quickly becoming more alarmed, but if he heard me he gave no sign. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked to see that bald man from earlier undoing my handcuffs.

"That was a hell of a speech. Color me impressed! I'm Commander Pixis head of the Garrison Regiment." He took my hand and started shaking it.

"Lanie." I said in response. "I don't really know anyone here so that name means little to nothing, but it's a pleasure I'm sure." I was still in a bit of a daze from the trial I didn't even realize that I was standing.

"Well then allow me to make some introductions!" he said, his eyes twinkling. "That fellow over there in the jacket with the unicorn is Nile Dok." He said pointing.

"The one who seems to be trying to melt my face off with the intensity of his glare?" I asked.

"Yep, that's Nile! He's the leader of the Military Police, and a bit of a sore loser." He turned and pointed toward the group with wings on their jackets. "See that blond guy, the one with the fantastic eyebrows?"

"More like eyewows! Is he the leader of the wing dudes?" I asked, as Pixis chuckled.

"Yes, that's Erwin Smith, he's the leader of the "wing dudes""

I turned to him and smiled. "Thank you for being so nice to me. Everyone else seems to think that I'm about to explode or something."

He grinned and ruffled my hair. "No problem kid! You've got spunk and I like it when kids have spunk. Also you told off Nile Dok, so I'm bound to like you."

I grinned back at him. "Hey Commander, could you possibly make sure that they don't take apart my IPhone?"

He laughed. "I'll see what I can do."


	10. Laundry

**AN: Hello everyone! thank you so much for the comments! This chapter is just a bit of filler, but I think it's cute so... ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan. The songs belong to their respective owners.**

The 104th Training Corps sat around the table, staring at Annie's letter in shock, or more accurately one line in her letter.

 _Laundry is a pain. Those white pants are nearly impossible to get stains out of. I don't know how Lanie does it for everyone's clothes._

"Lanie's been washing our clothes?" whispered Sasha, in shock.

"But I thought that the military had people to wash the clothes. Are you telling me that it was Lanie this whole time?" said Jean.

"Yeah, you guys didn't know that?" Mikasa said, looking bored.

"WHAT?!" yelled the 104th Training Corps.

Lanie awoke at five in the morning, like she did every Friday. Back in her old world, she used to wake up early to go for a run before work, and since she had done that for seven years, her inner clock naturally woke her up. At five in the morning. Every Friday. She stretched and got up. Reaching under her bunk, she pulled out a burlap sack, the kind that used to hold potatoes, and started to quietly gather the dirty clothes. On her way out the door, she grabbed her iPhone and her earbuds and started playing Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls. She made her way quietly down to the laundry room, and started to heat the water, and fill it with soap. She was singing under her breath and had the volume turned all the way up, so she didn't notice Levi standing in the doorway, looking at her as if she had grown an extra head.

" _And I don't want the world to see me—"_

"Ross?" He said, startling her.

"Ah!" she said, turning around and trying to move backwards at the same time. This would have worked better if she had not been directly in front of the laundry basin. She fell backwards into the sudsy water, swatting her phone away, and landed with a splash. She sat up, spluttering, her long blonde hair plastered to her head, and narrowed her eyes at Levi.

"What the hell was that for!?" she snapped.

"Why so jumpy, Ross? Sleep walking again?" he said, sarcastically.

She scowled. "I do this every Friday, dipshit. This is the first time I've been interrupted. It's five thirty in the morning, what are you doing here?"

"Tch, I thought I heard someone strangling a cat, so I came to investigate. It turns out it was only your singing."

Lanie started to blush angrily. "No one asked you to listen, you assbutt! I know I can't sing, but I can play guitar, so big whoop." She stood up, water streaming from her pajamas, and started to angrily wring out her hair.

She was surprised when she felt a towel drape across her shoulders. She looked up, but Levi was already walking away.

"Try not to get water all over the floor, brat." He called over his shoulder, then stopped to face her. "Also you're on window washing duty for a month."

"Why?" she said, irritated.

"Did you honestly think I'd let you get away with calling me a dipshit and," he paused for a second, raising an eyebrow. "Ass-butt?"

"You wouldn't get the reference." Muttered Lanie. "No one here does."

"That might be because it's a shitty insult." He said, before walking out of the room. Lanie just grinned and changed the song she was listening to.

" _Carry on my wayward son—"_

 **AN: Yay for Supernatural! Carry on My Wayward Son is by Kansas and it rocks! Tune in tomorrow for another chapter!**


	11. My Evil Plan Works! (Not Really)

**AN: Hello! So I've been thinking. Should I add romance? Or more specifically, should I pair Lanie with anyone? And If I should, who with? When I first started this story I originally had it planned that she would get paired with Levi, but I want to hear your opinion! Let me know what you think in the reviews! ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan or any of the characters.**

I was sitting in a carriage on the way to the boot camp, still in handcuffs. I had an armed escort, but he had taken one look at me and decided that I wasn't a threat. It had been two days since the trial, and I had decided that I didn't want to join the military, and that I was going to do whatever I had to so that I wouldn't have to. I was currently plotting my escape from the carriage. If I jumped directly out of the door the guard would be after me in a minute, but if I could somehow distract him enough to give me a chance to hide in the forest that lined the road, I could probably escape. The handcuffs made things more interesting, that's for sure. I stretched and rubbed my cuffed wrists, the chains jingling lightly.

"So, what branch of the military are you?" I asked conversationally.

The guard looked at me for a second, then pointed at the Garrison (which I shall call the flower power squad from now on) logo on his jacket.

"Ah, so correct me if I'm wrong, but that means you guard the walls, right?" I said.

"Yeah." He said shortly.

Okay Plan butter-him-up-until-he-is-completely-at-ease, is not going quite as smoothly as I had hoped. There was a long pause.

"So how long until we get to the training place?" I inquired.

"We're still seven miles away." He replied curtly.

"Now I'm not crazy familiar with the speed of horse drawn carriages, about how long, roughly do you expect that to take?" I said.

"A little less than an hour." He replied.

There was another awkward pause.

"So, what's your name?"

He shot me a look somewhere along the lines of WTF is this lady's problem.

"Ian." He finally said. There was yet another long, awkward, silence.

"So, Ian, What's your favorite color?"

"What is your problem?" He snapped at me, seeming a bit irritated.

"I'm bored, these handcuffs hurt, and I'm trying to make friends! Jeeze, pop a chill pill." I muttered, rubbing my wrists. Ian looked a little sheepish.

"Are they to tight or something?" He asked. Yes! My evil plan is working!

"No, it's the opposite problem really, every bump in the road makes them shift and slam into my wrist bone. Also they're heavy as shit." I said, adopting a victimized look.

Ian gave a sigh. "Listen, I'm not really supposed to do this, but I doubt you're going to try something," Ha! The poor naive fool! "I'll undo the cuffs for the rest of the ride, but you have to put them back on when we get to the training grounds, okay?"

I nodded, giving him my most sincere smile. He unlocked the cuffs, and I rubbed my wrists.

"Thanks Ian. You're a really decent guy. Sorry, by the way."

"Sorry for what?" He asked, looking honestly confused.

"For this!" I said as I kicked his face into the opposite wall of the carriage.

I pulled open the door and threw myself out of the fast moving vehicle. I tumbled to the ground and rolled a couple of feet. I winced and climbed to my feet. It seems as though while I was distracting Ian, the carriage had rolled into a small town. I sprinted into an alleyway running as hard as I could. I could hear shouts from the direction of the carriage, which meant that there were more guards than just Ian. Shit, that was just my luck. Ah well. I made a sharp left onto another street. I heard a weird zipping noise, and risked a quick glance over my shoulder. I saw a dark haired man in military gear, literally zip lining after me. What the actual fuck kind of world is this? I made a sharp right only to find myself in a dead end. I spun around in time to see that same man land in front of me, a scowl on his face. The first thing I noticed was that he was on eye level with me, which is unusual seeing as I'm only 5'2. I backed up until my back hit the wall.

"Oi Brat! Where do you think you're going?" he called.

"Get out of my way, shorty, and no one gets hurt." I said, raising my fists into a fighting position.

He gave an unamused snort. "Who are you calling shorty, brat."

"You, dipshit, now get out of my way!" I said taking a swing at him. All I hit was empty air.

"Tch, too slow." He said, kicking me in the face. My head snapped back and hit the wall.

"And don't call me a dipshit." He said as my vision blurred.

The next thing I knew I was waking up, back in the carriage with a splitting headache, and a black eye. I glanced down at my hand cuffs and snarled.

"That short bastard!"

 **AN: Lanie's first encounter with Levi, so romantic! Not. Anyway I think I'm going to have all the flash back chapters in first person from now on. Just cause. Anyway Tune in tomorrow for another chapter!**


	12. The Party, Part 1

**AN: Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry for the lack of update yesterday, but I actually had to do stuff other then lay around in my pajamas typing. anyway, here's the new chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan**

"As many of you are aware, it's about the time for the annual officer's ball." Erwin said, starting off the meeting. "Now under normal circumstances, I would say that this is a foolish waste of resources and time, but due to recent events involving Eren Jaegar, I believe that it is in the Survey Corps' best interest to be present at this event. It was with this in mind that I volunteered us to host this year."

There was a shocked gasp from the squad leaders. It was no secret that Erwin hated the annual officer's ball.

"But Sir! Our budget is so low, how will we be able to afford the food and decorations necessary for this event?"

"Where will we find musicians on such short notice?"

"Where would we even hold an event like this?"

The room was quickly dissolving into chaos.

"Everyone be quiet!" Shouted Erwin. "I expect you to be able to handle these minor complications! We kill titans! Are you telling me that we can't throw a party? Now, if anyone has anything _useful_ to offer, now would be the time to say something."

Hanji raised her hand.

"I might have an idea."

Lanie was actually quite enjoying window washing duty. She had an excellent view of the surrounding countryside, and it gave her a chance to be alone with her thoughts. Currently she was dangling about fifty feet in the air, scrubbing a window and humming My Chemical Romance. She finished up with that window, and was about to move on to the next, when Hanji burst into the room, ran to the window, and threw it open.

"Hey Hanji, what's up?" she said swinging out of the way of the crazy scientist.

"I have great news! We're hosting the officer's ball!" she said, throwing her arms wide and nearly hitting Lanie in the face.

"That's nice I suppose." Said Lanie. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because we need your help!" She said, sincerely.

"My help? I don't know the first thing about throwing parties. Not to mention fancy ones." Lanie said, preparing to go to the next window.

"We need music, and we thought that your magic box might help!" Hanji said, excited.

"Last time I let you use my 'magic box,' you tried to take apart my headphones! Why should I let you use it?" Lanie asked, annoyed.

"I'll let you skip your morning training to help me." Hanji deadpanned.

"Deal!" said Lanie, shaking on it. She moved to the next window, while Hanji closed the other.

Hanji grinned. Phase one of her plan was complete. By the end of this party, Levi and Lanie would be a couple. She rubbed her hands together in anticipation. This ship had sailed, and there was no going back.

 **AN: Hanji ships it. Anyway, reveiw!**


	13. My First Day of Training

**AN: Hey Guys! First of all I'm sorry for the wait! My hotel did not have free Wi-Fi, and like Bobby Singer, I refuse to pay for the wiffy. Secondly this is a flash back chapter, just FYI. K well here it is.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own this and I make no profit.**

"And what do we have over here?" bellowed the drill sergeant, glaring at a kid with short dusty colored hair. It must have been dyed because I could see the darker stubble on the back of his head.

"Jean Kirchstein sir, from the Trost district!" He shouted back doing that weird chest salute thing. When they had told me that I was going to be press ganged into service, they failed to mention that the training camp was filled with children. Seriously, there couldn't be a cadet here that was over the age of twelve, except me of course.

"And why are you here cadet?" Shouted the drill sergeant, still focused on Jean, who for some unexplainable reason vaguely reminded me of a horse.

"To join the military police sir, the best of the best." I muffled a snort. Horseface wanted to join the My Little Bronie, Hatred is Magic Team, (Aka the military police). Irony really is everywhere. I tuned back into the conversation just in time to see the drill sergeant head butt him and yell at him for sitting. Dang. He moved onto his next victim, a freckled kid who introduced himself as Marco Bott. He got all up and personal in the guy's face, whispered something, then left him with a horrified expression. I zoned out again as he chewed out a short bald kid who had screwed up the salute. Suddenly a dead silence fell over the training ground, interrupted only by the sound of someone chewing. I glanced over to see the girl next to me had started eating… was that a potato?

"Hey, you there, what do you think you're doing?" The drill sergeant said, walking over to her. She glanced around, like she didn't know who he was talking to, and took another bite of potato. I liked this kid already.

"YOU ARE OFFICIALY ON MY SHIT LIST. JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" He bellowed directly in her face. She swallowed her potato, and did a quick salute.

"Sasha Blouse from Dowper Village at your service. Reporting for duty sir!" she replied.

"Sasha Blouse, huh. And what is that you're clutching in your right hand?" He growled menacingly.

"A steamed potato! It sat there in the mess hall begging to be eaten sir!" She called back, as if oblivious to the shit-storm that was headed her way.

"The theft I understand, but here? Why eat it here of all places?" The drill sergeant asked, looking as if the king had shown up and told him that he was a spoon.

"It looked quite delicious, and it was getting cold, so I gave it shelter in my stomach, sir." She said staring straight ahead.

"Why? I can't comprehend. Why would you eat that potato?" he said, fading to a course whisper at the end. I had to fight the urge to laugh at how serious he was, and how horrified all the other twelve year-olds were at this whole exchange.

"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes?" She asked sounding unsure. "I'm surprised you don't know sir." There was a moment so full of charged silence, you could have heard a pen drop. I could no longer resist the urge. I was bent double laughing when I felt an ominous shadow loom over me.

"And just what do you find so funny, Cadet Ross." He snarled.

"Just this whole scenario. You look so at a loss at what to do in this situation, and she's just so serious, and all the other children are so horror struck, I just can't even!" I said collapsing into another fit of giggles.

"BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING TO RUN AROUND THIS CAMP INTILL THE SUN SETS! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" He bellowed directly into my face.

"Yes sir!" Yelled Sasha, dejectedly.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." I said, unimpressed.

"What did you say to me cadet?" He practically whispered. I'm pretty sure his head was going to explode. What would the incident report for that even look say? Drill sergeant head explodes from too much sass. Anyway, tangent over now.

"I'm not going to do that." I said, my face perfectly strait.

"Just because you are a special case, does not mean you get special treatment. Now start running." He hissed.

"No way in hell, and you can't make me." I crossed my arms, and raised an eyebrow. His face was turning purple, and he was sputtering angrily at me. I took this as leave to continue.

"See, the whole system that you run here is based in fear. The twelve year olds are scared of you, so they obey you in fear that you'll throw them out if they don't. I however, do not want to be here, so if I don't behave the only thing you can do is beat the shit out of me, but know, that that will not stop me from being a pain in the ass, it will only delay it. The best thing you can do in this scenario is report that I am a shit soldier, and that training me is a shit idea. That way I'm out of your," I paused and looked at his bald head "hair, and I don't have to join the military, win-win. Or you could try to break my will and keep me here, in which case everyday will go exactly like this. Your choice. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to my cabin to take a nap."

I turned around and marched through the lines of horrified pre-teens. The drill sergeant was just standing there sputtering incoherently. I allowed myself a small smirk. I would be out of this hell hole in no time.


	14. Slenderman!

**AN: Hello everyone, sorry for the delays in this chapter, it is the part of summer where I have to start on my summer assignments, also I've had a bit of writers block, so that happened. Anyway this chapter is a bit longer, so I hope that makes up for my absence, and can tide you over for a bit, because I'm going camping for a week. :( I love camping. :( That was a lie. Anyway, this chapter is suspenseful and gave me the willies just writing it, also Lanie is a bit of a potty mouth, but its good I swear! So on with the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AoT, or Slenderman, so don't sue me.**

Lanie Ross walked through the quickly darkening forest, glancing around nervously.

"Why am I out here again?" She muttered to herself. "Oh that's right, cause Hanji just had to give me shitty directions. 'Go get those herbs, Lanie.' 'It'll be fun, Lanie.' 'It's only a long walk through a terrifying forest, Lanie.'" She stopped and took a shaky breath.

"Of course it doesn't help that this place looks exactly like the forest in that creepy Slenderman game. If I see a tree with a note that says 'Don't look or he takes you' then I'm getting the fuck out of this place, herbs be damned."

She jumped at a rustling sound coming from a nearby bush. A squirrel ran out and skittered up a tree.

"Okay Lanie, breathe. It's just a creepy story that someone came up with on the internet. Some sadist who wants to watch the world burn obviously, but it's just made up. Besides it doesn't even exist in this universe, when we were telling ghost stories a few weeks ago and I brought it up, no one had even heard of it! Shit, it's really getting dark!"

The petite blonde froze as an owl flew over her head.

"Where the fuck are those god damn herbs? And why was it so urgent that I be the only one to get them. And why did I have to go alone. And why did it have to be so close to dark!" she muttered.

The sun had completely set at this point, turning the trees into dusky pillars.

"You know what? Fuck this shit. I have been out here for at least two hours looking for these mother fucking herbs, and I haven't found shit. I'm going back to the castle." She turned around and took two steps before coming to a sudden realization.

"Where the fuck is the castle? No no no no no. No fucking way! I'm lost in the forest! Oh fuck me and my shitty sense of direction." She was starting to get hysterical at this point. "Shit. Okay breathe girl, freaking out is not going to help this situation at all. Surely they've noticed that I'm not back yet, so they'll come looking for me, all I have to do is stay put until someone finds me." She swallowed nervously as she looked around at the dark trees. "However long that'll be."

Her breath hitched as she heard a rustling sound in the bushes near her. It was louder than the squirrel, and it sounded bigger. She took a step back, eyes glued to the bush. The rustling increased in volume, and the leaves on the front of the bush started shaking. With a small yelp, she turned tail and started sprinting through the trees. The bush stopped shaking as a mildly confused deer stepped out, then proceeded to graze on the front of the bush.

Lanie continued running as fast as she could through the woods, mentally chanting cuss words, until she collided with something warm and firm. She gave an undignified shriek as she stumbled back from the figure.

"Ross? What the fuck are you doing?" Came a familiar voice.

"C-Capt-t-tain L-Levi?" she stuttered, trembling. He lifted his lantern to reveal his face, and she heaved a shaky sigh of relief. "Oh thank god."

"Where the fuck have you been? You've been gone nearly three hours!"

"H-Hanji sent me out for some herbs, but I couldn't find them, and it was getting dark, so I decided to go back, b-but I got lost, and," she started to cry. "God, I was so scared! I th-thought I was going to be stuck out here till morning, a-and then I couldn't stop thinking about Slenderman even though he's not real, but it's still scary, and," her shoulders shook with another sob, and she covered her face with her hands. "I'm just really glad you're here, sir." She said, mildly muffled.

Levi stared at her, eyebrows raised. Was this the same woman that killed three titans in the battle of Trost? He'd never seen her look so vulnerable. Even when she had just arrived in this world, she had given off such a feeling defiance and inner strength, so seeing her terrified out of her wits was a bit unsettling. He also noticed with mild alarm, that she hadn't called him Levy. This thing must really have her shaken up. When he had heard from Hanji that she was missing, he had assumed that she had tried to desert again, so it had surprised him to see her come charging through the trees towards him. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. The question was, what had her so panicked.

"Ross, who is Slenderman?" he said, a bit more gently. She sniffled and cracked a watery smile.

"God, this is embarrassing. You're probably going to think I'm stupid. He's a demon from a series of online horror stories, and a couple of video games." Levi pulled his hand away and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"You're kidding, right?" he said.

She sighed. "I know it sounds dumb, but it freaks me out! It's a seven foot faceless thing, with shadow tentacles that stalks its victims through forests such as this one, that enjoys driving its victims insane, and mind controlling them to kill others!"

She pulled out her weird magic box thing, and pulled up a picture of a white featureless thing, with long arms, and a dark pinstriped suit with a tie. It had a bunch of black squiggles drawn around it. He gave her an unimpressed look. She scowled and scrolled to the next picture.

"His victims leave notes and shit too." She showed him a series of scratchily drawn pictures of a figure with no face. They said things like 'don't look or it takes you,' 'leave me alone,' 'always watches, no eyes,' 'can't run,' and 'help me,' one note just had the word no written all over it. He felt a shiver run up his spine, but he ignored it.

"Listen Ross, you said it yourself, he's not real, so there's no need to get so worked up about it." She had stiffened and was staring over his shoulder. "Ross, are you paying attention?" The color had drained from her face. "Ross?"

"Captain, what is that, carved into the tree over there?" she whispered hoarsely. He turned and looked at the tree in question.

"It looks like a circle with an X through it, why?" he asked turning to look at her.

"Oh god, that's his mark, that's Slenderman's mark. What is his mark doing out here?" she said, backing away from it slowly. Levi froze, his eyes widening a smidgen.

"Ross," he said quietly. "Don't move." She froze, eyes wide with horror. "Walk towards me, nice and slow." She did, silent tears streaming down her face. He glared over her shoulder at the pale figure dressed in black. When she came within reach, he pulled her behind him, spinning her around to face the Slenderman. She drew a shaky gasp. The Slenderman raised one long arm, and made a beckoning motion. It then turned and disappeared into the trees. Levi took a step forward his hand on the hilt of his sword, only to feel a tug on his arm. Lanie was gripping his sleeve so tight that her knuckles were white, staring into the trees where the thing had disappeared. She looked like she was about to faint.

"Please Levi, can we just go back to the castle?" she whispered. He gave another look into the trees and gave an inward sigh.

"Tch, fine. But only because the others are worried about you." he said, and began walking. He stopped and looked over his shoulder to see that she hadn't moved. "What are you waiting for, a fucking invitation?" he snapped.

"I can't move." She whispered. That appeared to be her only volume at the moment. "I'm to freaked." He noticed that she had started trembling again.

He sighed, walked back over to where she stood, and scooped her into his arms bridal style. She gave a surprised squeak, but made no other protest. He started to walk back towards the castle as she put her arm around his neck. She buried her face into his shoulder, and slowly started to relax. He almost didn't notice when she fell asleep, but he made sure to shift her gently to avoid waking her up. He walked into the castle, and through the entrance hall, brushing past a concerned Hanji. He climbed the stairs to the trainee's dorms and laid her gently onto her bunk, ignoring the questions of the other trainees. He walked slowly to his room and changed into his night clothes, then lay staring at the ceiling above his bed. He stayed that way for a long time.

Hanji stared into the gloom outside the castle doors. What was taking that boy so long? Finally she saw a tall, pale figure in black clothing running over to the doors.

"There you are! I was worried you'd gotten lost of something!" she said.

Berthold pulled the tight mask of his face, revealing the beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Sorry, Captain Hanji, but I wanted to make sure Captain Levi wasn't going to kill me. Out of plain curiosity, why did you want me to scare them so bad?" he replied.

"Why, for true love, of course!" Hanji said. "And it worked! Now get to bed, and remember, don't tell a soul!" the boy nodded and left, leaving Hanji by herself.

"Phase one of getting Lanie and Levi together is a complete success, now on to phase two."

 **AN: Hanji that was evil! I got this idea from watching danisnotonfire and theamazingphil play slenderman on their channel so thanks for that! Sorry if Levi was a bit ooc, I tried to keep him in character, I really did. See you later!**


	15. Not Soulmates!

**AN: I'm back! Did you miss me! So I have good news and bad news. Bad news, I'm gonna have to slow down updates what with school starting and such. Good news, here's the next chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan all I own is Lanie and the plot of this one fanfic.**

It was time for the annual military meeting again. Commander Erwin, Captain Levi, Captain Hanji, and Captain Mike had left that morning for the interior, Captain Levi had also taken Eren so that if he spontaneously titanned, he could be taken care of, leaving the Special Ops Squad in charge of the other newbies. After some initial tension between Lanie and Oluo on whether or not they should run a hundred laps around the castle (which Lanie had of course won), the two groups got along reasonably well. They were currently sitting around the dining hall, passing around Lanie's iPhone to see which Hogwarts house they would be sorted into. Lanie had been telling the 104th training corps about Harry Potter since she had first gotten comfortable with them, and Eren had passed on her stories to the Special Ops Squad.

"Ravenclaw!" called Armin, as he passed the iPhone to Berthold.

"Called it!" yelled Lanie, doing a little happy dance. She had recovered nicely from her fright a few nights ago, but she still refused to step foot into the woods, and she had yet to go anywhere without her swords.

"Maybe you should be in Ravenclaw if you're so smart!" said Jean sarcastically. Lanie had insisted on going last, because 'I already know, and I want to see if you guys can guess' as she put it.

"Hufflepuff." Berthold said to whoops from Sasha and Connie while Christa clapped. He handed the phone to Petra.

"I don't see why you're so pouty, horseface. You were psyched about getting Gryffindor until just a minute ago." Huffed Lanie.

"That's because Mikasa got Slytherin." Connie said, smirking, until Jean whacked him on the back of the head.

"Hey Lanie, a little square just popped up on your magic box." Said Petra her brow crinkled in worry. Lanie started to lean over her shoulder.

"Oh don't worry, that's just…" she stopped and her eyebrows shot up. "Holy shit! That's an email notification!" The entire room stared at her blankly. She rolled her eyes. "It's like an instant letter. This is the first form of outside communication in the entire four years, to the day, that I've been in this world!"

She took the phone back from Petra and opened the email excitedly. Her grin faded as she read it, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion, before they shot up in disbelief.

"The universe is just fucking with me now!" she exclaimed, scowling.

"What is it?" asked Sasha.

"The first contact with my world that I've had in four years, IS A LINK TO A FUCKING NAME MATCHING GAME!" she screamed the last part. There was a long silence while Lanie collected herself. "Sorry guys, I was sort of hoping for something more…" she trailed off.

"Helpful?" suggested Armin, helpfully.

"Yeah." She said dejectedly.

"So what's a name matching game?" asked Sasha, trying to break the somber mood that had fallen over the group.

"It's just a dumb thing where you type in your name and it's supposed to give you the name of your 'soulmate' or something dumb like that." Lanie said without looking up.

"Can I try?" asked Krista timidly.

"Sure kid." She said with a sad smile, and handed the phone to her. There was a short silence.

"Nick" She said.

"I beg your pardon?" Said Lanie looking up.

"Apparently that's my soulmate's name." Said Krista, handing it to Ymir. Ymir typed her name and waited for the results.

"I got Scott. Here Armin, you try."

As the phone was passed around the room, the dark mood lifted.

"What the hell?" Said Jean, glaring at the phone.

"What's wrong Genie?" asked Lanie, ignoring his glare.

"The name I got is Aaron!" The room erupted into laughter, Lanie's loudest of all.

"Fine, then. What's yours?" growled Jean, and handed Lanie the phone. Lanie smirked and typed her name into the generator.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" she shouted, her face turning red.

Oluo looked over her shoulder.

"LEVI?!" he yelled, almost as horrified as Lanie. Everyone started to laugh.

"No no no no no no! Lanie's just a nickname! I'll type in my full name." She quickly typed Madelana into the generator.

"What the fuck kind of name is Rivaille?" she said looking confused. Petra gasped, trying to contain her laughter.

"Isn't that what some people call Captain Levi?" She wheezed.

"Fuck that! This thing is just a dumb random name generator! Like me and Captain Levy would be- Ugh I can't even say it!" she stood up. "I'm tired. I'll see you guys in the morning, after sleep has killed that imagery." She shuddered and walked to the door.

"Wait Lanie! You never told us your house!" Armin called.

"Oh! I'm a Slytherin." She shut the door.

"That explains so much." Muttered Connie.


	16. 3DMG

**AN: I'm back! I'm so sorry for the delay in updates, I haven't abandoned this story or anything, but schoolwork's been a bitch this year! Anyway, it's time for another flashback chapter, this time from Levi's perspective! *Children cheering in the background***

 **Disclaimer: Don't own.**

Levi was annoyed.

'It was bad enough that Erwin has to go observe the brat from the other universe train every three weeks, but why did he have to send me instead? Okay, so maybe he has an important meeting with those dicks in the military police, but really, the brat's hardly my responsibility. ' he thought to himself as he scanned the crowd of young cadets for the spitfire blonde. He finally found her laughing with some of the other recruits. She seemed to be telling a crazy story to a pompous looking teen with grayish brown hair and a sign taped to his back that read, **I am a horse, neigh neigh mother fucker!**

"And that's how I got a lifetime ban from the Philadelphia zoo, and a lifetime debt from the leader of an international cyberterrorist group!" She concluded grandly.

"What's a Cyberterrorist?" Asked a freckled youth, looking confused.

"Ross!" Shouted Shadis from the front. "Because I hate you, you're going to go first on the 3DMG testers."

She did an odd salute by holding her hand up to her forehead. "Sir, yes sir! The feeling is mutual sir!" she shouted back. She swaggered up to the gear, a cocky smirk on her face, and strapped herself in. As the 3DMG tester slowly lifted the impish woman of the ground, her smirk grew strained. Levi could see that she had a natural sense of balance on the machinery, her smirk twitched into a small grin. She leaned forward a touch, (small enough that if Levi hadn't been watching closely he would have missed it completely, but big enough that it had to be intentional), and flipped upside down.

"Ross! Quit fooling around and correct yourself!" Shadis barked. She made a futile attempt to adjust herself my pin wheeling her arms and kicking her legs, then shrugged in defeat. Levi snorted and made his way to the front of the crowd of grinning recruits. He heard whispers race through the exited group.

"That's Captain Levi!"

"What's he doing here?"

"Humanity's Strongest!"

"Is he wearing a cravat?"

He came to a halt in front of Shadis.

"Captain Levi, can I assume you have something to add to my assessment of this cadet's shit performance." He growled.

"Really Shadis were you expecting me to do-" She cut off with a gasp. "You!" she thrust a finger at him. "You're the cranky midget that ruined my escape attempt and gave me that shiner!"

He pointedly ignored her angry flailing.

"Brat, your commanding officer has given you an order. Adjust yourself."

She scowled at him and crossed her arms, the effect of which was slightly ruined by the fact that her face was going red from hanging upside down for such a long period of time.

"I would if I could, but I can't so I shan't" she said icily.

"Tch, you and I both know that that's a fucking lie. Adjust yourself." She glared at him.

"No."

He sighed internally and unsheathed one of his swords. Alarm flashed over her face for an instant before she could school her features into a neutral expression.

"Well someone's compensating for- JESUS CHRIST!" she yelled as he swung his sword at her head. Acting purely on instinct, she swung into an upright position.

"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!" she shouted, staring at him wide eyed.

"Tch, If you had just done that in the first place I wouldn't have had to go to such extreme measures." He said, turning away.

She seemed to notice for the first time that she was upright.

"WHY YOU-"

"As much as it pains me to say this," Shadis cut in. "Ross, you pass."

She stared at him sputtering, as Levi pushed back through the crowd of shocked cadets.

"But I… You… Why I outta… Fucking… YOU LITTLE SHIT!" She called after him. He sighed internally again. 'This brat had better not choose the survey corps.'

 **AN: I'll try to get another chapter up before break's over, if not, then I'll be posting some time in spring.**


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